Blank Page

Blank Page. Vacant ways.

Dying to eat.

All that’s there is a solemn plate. I’m choking on the words. Haunted by what I can’t figure to say. Balls of paper strewn out on the floor. White canvas, begging to be formed. Empty little nothing, hoping… For more. 

Stare at the lines… Praying for greatness to come. 

Blank page scariest place in the world if there ever was one.

Blank Page

Written in 2010

Fingerprints

As children we are white. Pure. Blank. Fresh canvas. As we seemingly grow we are painted, smudged, scarred and marred with the help of others. Some of us are destined to be masterpieces. Beautiful storied works made up with the perfect colors and shading. Made with the right stuff. Some of us though end up being walking cautionary tales. Sad caricatures of what happens when the pencil is dull and used with the wrong intent. 

We the cautionary tales serve as reminders to the others to be delicate, kind and clean with how we handle one another. Be careful. Those fingerprints don’t always rub off. 

My Intellectual Marriage Has Ended.

Today I showed up at the McDonald’s on Broadway & 38th Terrace… To sign my divorce papers. My business partner & former friend and I have dissolved our working relationship. We are now two separate houses. And it literally feels like I just lost my husband. My intellectual husband. My musical soul mate. We were able to do it without our lawyer and fairly free of personal drama. But it felt so…. Sad. The 4 years we spent together as friends & collaborators were hard. But they were worth it. Or at least they used to be. He and I were just like an old married couple. Fought, laughed, drank and confided in each other.  Except he and I never slept together, we had no romantic entanglements… But the music. We made “babies” together. Beautiful pieces of us both that were hard to come by… 

We sat there across the table from each other and divided our assets. Who gets what. Who gets producing credit for who. Custody of “our babies”. I felt like the bitter wife, hurt & stripped of my pride and helpless to stop the ONE man I have ever loved from leaving me… We will NEVER be friends again. But he and I will continue to work periodically on a case by case basis. That’s our “custody agreement” if you will. Two different houses belonging to people who used to be a couple on the same street. 

I’ll be fine. I’m a great songwriter. I have a great ear. My project will eventually come together. And it will be great. I’ll find new people to collaborate with. New producers, new sounds… And the babies that we made are not completely lost. But the love… THAT’S what I’m mourning. The trust, the connection. The floor of the “Home” we built as artists together has fallen out. 

I’ll shed a few tears, have a glass of wine and move on. And build a new house. Alone. 

My First Divorce

What will happen to our babies? 

What will happen to our store? 

Half gone again, lost without a friend

This is my first divorce. 

I married you and I carried you further than need be. I loved you more than you were worth. I tried to work enough for the both of us, but in the end I made it worse. I made you my husband ‘cause I never loved anyone else. It was the idea rather I loved… My heart for you fell short because I don’t care about myself.

What will I do without you here? I know I’ll miss you more than you miss me… Pack up leave the house we built. Divide assets, give back your key… But.. What about me?

What will happen to our babies? 

What will happen to our store? 

Half gone again, lost without a friend

This is my first divorce. 

-Lyrics from ‘My First Divorce’ from my EP “Quarterly Report”

Well, here we go again! The second installment of my personal vlogging segment “Girl, TALK!” Watch and enjoy… Be sure to give me your feedback… And Thanks for watching! 

YOU CAN DO BETTER!!! IT’s Time to “Change The Record” ! Here’s the song that has inspired the newest episode of Girl, Talk! Premiering today! Listen, love and learn! 

Hi. I’m Smokey. And it’s my birthday! Watch this and stuff. 

It’s Here!!! It’s Here!

3 Days….

I’ve been shooting and re-shooting a lot of the segments so that I keep up with my posting schedule while I work my actual day job and it’s been hard… I never thought changing my life and following my passion would be difficult. I just thought once I made the decision to live everything would fall into place. But it’s DEFINITELY not like that. Been having issues with my editing software so I’ll have to buy some more later on today. And learn how to use it. And edit 6 videos. Before Sunday. I’ll make it and everything will be fine. It will…. 3 days… 

4 Days……

It’s officially 4 days until the launch of the channel. And I’m nervous. Excited. Stressed. And ECSTATIC!! My birthday is always what I like to think of as my “Personal New Years Eve”. I evaluate and make changes… I take a look at the time I’ve spent and what I’d like the next 364 days to look like. And then I move…. And this time I’m moving in the right direction. I’m thinking about ME. I’m sharing my experiences, wisdom, humor, art and soul with you guys. 

I hope you like it… I hope you care.. I’m excited for us to get started…

Caleb, my makeup artist directing and Janet doing work! 

Caleb, my makeup artist directing and Janet doing work! 

A preview of my shoot with Janet Simpson…. 

A preview of my shoot with Janet Simpson…. 

Shout out!

kasashaquanique liked your photo: I’ve alluded and swirled around it all for long…

I live forand love everyone of my friends who have become supporters of me, my life and my brand! Here’s a shining example of one of those folks! Follow that lovely lady above! She’s brilliant!